The morning that Debbie passed away still haunts me. I did everything I could, I did chest compression's and mouth to mouth. I had revived her. She could not raise up but did call out my name. This is what I live with. Every night and every morning! I watched her eyes roll back and watched the light leave her. I know she is better off but who the hell can explain to me that when I did everything right that I still lost her? Only God can explain that so I suppose I wait until my time and no I will not rush it but I certainly look for answers.
This is what I live with. I wake up every night wondering what else I could have done? Debbie loved me and all of our children. She loved so many that called her Mom and looked up to her. So where are the answers I am supposed to have? Sorry but no reply on that end.
That is just the anger I deal with. I am no longer upset about it. I suppose God will give me an answer one day. When he does I will certainly listen. Debbie was the most amazing woman and everyone has hear the stories that God takes those who are needed first!
He does owe me an explanation and I can wait. I have dealt with so much in these past years and still find the strength to go on! Those against me are for nothing but greed! They need more and more all the time. Well to me I'll put in my words! Tough Shit! Can't get blood out of a turnip so that is that! If you can't deal with it then it is your loss! I mean what I say and the love I had and still feel from a genuine lady keeps me going!
Many many years ago I sacrificed everything to have my "Best Buddy" always around me. Flying field where I could fly radio controlled planes. All the guys out there would take turns watching her. Yep Guys I say. Because it was Men who would take time to do just that. Wifes would be out shopping or something. Yet us guys took the time! How time can prove all of that. Men are men and some woman are just shoppers and oh yes let me buy you this. That is not love! Love is who you are and the time you spent and if it is forgotten then someone loses out! But be careful! Make your choices clear because if you make the wrong one then all of that cool stuff doesn't mean a thing! At my age I have learned many things. Probably one of the most important came from a great friend and my ex father in law. "Don't be full of shit just show that they are!"