Tonight I allowed myself to get angry. It is something that Debbie hated because I had a certain look on my face. I know where it comes from and she was always right. Hell I could scare myself in the mirror with that look. Only she could make me calm down as well as my Mom can. One thing Debbie could do that only one other was to rub my neck without me getting ticklish! Debbie and my daughter Stephanie could rub my neck and get me relaxed. Both used to take turns after a long days work. I miss those days.
Getting back to the anger I have removed that last post and I apologize to anyone who read it. It did me no good and nobody else as well. I vented and knew better then to do it in that fashion. Hating is no longer in my thinking but sometimes revenge does come up but I know that is also not up to me. What happened is in the past and I must always remember. "Turn the page" Well sometimes I forget as I did tonight. I went over to my brother and sister in laws this evening for just a few minutes. I had to drop something off over there which I know he will love and take good care of. See I have shared many things with family that were Debbies but tonight was something from me that Debbie had picked out that I wanted my brother to have. she had even made it clear to me that it was for him. A few years ago Debbie had purchased a small 10 ft measuring tape pink in color just for her. Well it was next to these old model cars and my brother being a carpenter could make a excellent display case for them. So I knew what I was being whispered to do. I never doubt her presence around me. A love like ours just can't die off. It lasts forever! I am no overly religious but I have read the bible, many versions of it actually. I do know one thing however. With the love I feel for my wife and knowing Jesus walked her through the gates of heaven that where she is that she can certainly make calls down to me and all her loved ones. I don't know if it was simply luck on my side that we got together or Gods will. But from the many folks I talk to it sounds like to me it was simply "Meant To Be"
Noon and Tyson are kicked back right next to me. Tyson laying on my foot and Noon making me sweat because he puts off a bunch of heat. Debbie used to push me away from her in bed saying I made her sweat. Now as a husband making your wife hot is a good thing cept when they get to a certain age and hot flashes kick in. I can remember seeing my breath inside the house because she wanted the AC on and it was only 40 degrees outside. I will miss that. But the best part is when she had a chill and said cuddle with me. We were made to fit together and we did that well! I used to give Debbie pedicures and she asked me how did you learn to do that. Hell I never learned. I just loved to touch her anyway that made her feel good. Of course if you asked her about me painting her fingernails that was something different. Painting a car was much easier!
Tonight I miss my baby a bit more because it is sort of a anniversary between us. Since I cannot hold her I will hold all of our family and friends close.
I would lay down my life for Debbie or anyone in my family and protect them and never have regrets but now that Debbie is looking out for me I will live my life to help my family and protect them.
Good Night Baby and I miss you always!
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