Two Months Today

 
   It has been two months since Deb has been gone. All I know is she wants me to be happy. Her love will never leave all of us who have been touched by her. I love Deb and always will and I will do her wishes. Those are between her and I.

 I love all my children and always will and no matter what I will always be here.

I have more to say and ask but that will wait for sometime.

Such a Beauty!

I have a lock of Debbie Arms hair in a envelope which I bring out each night and morning. Both Noon Arms and I rub it on our face just like when she was here. Noon knows the sound of the envelope and had been laying in the bed on Deb's pillow. He jumped down and ran over to me to make sure he didn't miss out. We both miss our sweetie and love her and always think of her. Good Night my beautiful Darling and we'll see you in our dreams tonight!


  That was copied from my facebook post tonight. Last night while laying down on the sofa and watching TV I caught the scent of her hair just as it would always smell right after she washed a dried it. She had naturally curly hair but used a blow dryer to straighten it. I still have her shampoo in the shower and only open it every now and then to get that scent. Last night I didn't have to open it. I feel she walked through the room checking on Noon and myself. 

   True love never dies. 

Another Day Down

I stayed pretty busy the last few days. I prefer it that way because I can look forward to the evening.  Evenings and nighttime are still the hardest for me. I still reach over in the bed looking for Deb. I even call out her name. It has been nearly two months but seems longer or like it happened this morning at times.

  When we are kids our parents teach us about life and sometimes about death but something they cannot convey because of no fault of their own is how to deal with the loss of not only a spouse but best friend and soulmate.

 What if any words can explain the feelings that go through right to the heart? I really don't think words can say anything when put into that position. You just find your own way out of it and thank God for the time you had and all the memories both good and bad because they made it all work out.

 I don't know if love like that will ever come to me again. One thing I do know is that God has graced me with a love beyond reproach and that what happens next is simply a gift that I will never take for granted.

  If it comes tomorrow or next week, even next year I will have to ask for permission because of who I have loved and lost.

  I love you Deb with all my heart and soul and always will!

I should be writing in my book about impacts

Yep a book I started many years ago and everyone who has read parts wants more. I did actually a couple weeks ago writing more. I still have more of a story to tell. Tonight more then others I feel like I should share  this story. Its sort of short but something that does put a smile on my face. Woman more then men will understand it but I hope it shows to a certain special gal what it meant to me. So here goes.


  I can't remember the year as they have all passed by quickly. I do remember that Blue Ford Explorer hooked up to a twin Sea-Doo Trailer.  Debbies was on the trailer but I was practice racing with the Offshore   Team at the time. All I could see was Deb and a pretty gal who's name now escapes my mind(Just remembered it is Lisa)  calling me into shore so hands up so other racers knew I was out and I pulled up to the shore. Debbie told me it was time to go and with the look on her face I knew she was serious. Limey Rick  ( his nickname so no disrespect!) showed up as well. Well Lisa and Deb had my sweet little girl wrapped up in a towel and as a Dad I was about to go nuts until it was explained to me!  Well my little girl just wasn't that little anymore and her body decided to grow into a young lady that particular day. Movies make fun of it. Women..........er I meant wives bitch about it and husbands deal with it. But my little girl?  My Best Buddy? No way in hell I tried to convince myself, Not my bestest friend and the light of my life. I was so wrong. So ski's loaded up we headed back home. My not so little girl was having cramps and did not know what to do and Deb crawled from the front seat to be with her. I stopped at walmart and just bought what I was told to.  That is a impact to me. I am certain alot of fathers have dealt with it. I am proud to say without reservation that I was not embarrassed to buy tampons for either my wife or daughter and now all these years later she has her own daughter which gives me proof that I did pretty good after all!

Hopscotch!

A truly tried game that little girls play all the time and make their brothers join in just because!

  Its kind of like riding roller skates. Or just taking a sister to Astroworld many many years ago and today it doesn't even exist. Here I am with the prettiest gal as far as I was concerned because being a big brother means you keep an eye on your little sister! Well it did not quite work out that way. Me being this handsome young Texan had some gals interested in my but little sister just wasn't gonna let it happen. So her being such a over protective sister/mom type personality kept them all away from me. If it wasn't for the fact I know she was looking out for me I'd have been really pissed off. But the drive back home when we had so much fun reminded me why I look out for her and she looked out for me.

  So to my Dear Sister Cindy

 Please forgive me and know that I love you with all my heart even if you did make those girls at Astroworld Jealous!

Sometimes you get surprised!

Noon is laying her beside me as always. When I was about to erase that last post his paws moved my hand away from the keyboard. As in much I feel he does as well. Sometimes I forget to take in his feelings as well as others. For that I am sincerely sorry. I do and will always enjoy what I have and have had. As much I will love and enjoy what comes to me.

Angels

Pretty good day today and I'm feeling pretty good myself. I watched some TV. I had supper with my brother James and lil sis  Lyssa tonight. She is a great cook not to mention she spoils Noon as much as I do. James and I talked while Lyssa cooked up a great meal. After eating we all just talked in general. I have lost touch with a sister that I would really like to work hard to rebuild that relationship with her.

  As always my evening ends with the thoughts of my Wife.  I cannot describe in words the feelings I have for my wife. Love? thats easy enough for anyone to understand. Respect? Now we can talk about being honest, caring certainly, Giving everything to your wife? Most certainly at the loss of those who don't really know you. So tonight I am going to share more of myself even if just in thought. I am going to consider others feelings that I did not take into account.

  There is something that we all know even if it is just to ourselves. Maybe a built in tiny secret. I have one that I have shared with just a few. I know the age that I myself will ....lets just say move on.  Debbie knew this and while she has moved on and I have said many times before I still feel her and I am certainly not the only one.

  But? Yep I hate that word to. Moving on does get easier but how do you keep the love and respect if you decide that being alone hurts just to much?

 Children you have helped and loved and belong to you out of a pure love and might feel alone or even worse abandoned?  I swear that my children even all grown up are the light of my life! I never want them to feel otherwise.

  Now the next step! I don't think I am old at just the age of 50 and I  can't take being alone. So what is next? When my love for Debbie grows daily as always do I give up what life I have left? Is that all there is to it? Certainly God did not want men to grow old alone when he had created Eve for Adam? Ok so she wasn't all she was cracked up to be but who expects more?

 So now my mind wanders into something I haven't ever given thought of.  This is a new type of loneliness that I haven't thought of.  And even more. Is there some place that I can find even if in dreams that reminds me? I never want to lose the love and trust of my wife but I just don't know how heaven works. Or if I deserve to be there with her.
 
  Someone who I least had suspected told me its better to be loved and lost then not loved at all. I told him simply "Try It"  I cannot any longer reach over and touch her or kiss her cheeks but wish I could. I also at the same time want to be able to do that again without any disrespect or consideration for my children.

 Make no mistake I am not in any hurry I just need their input and always their love and respect because that means more to me then anything else. This burden is part of pure love and when you have that you take all else with it!